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Andrea

DO NOT GET POOP ON YOUR BATMAN CAPE!!!

Started by Andrea, author of

9/10/2009 11:20 AM

DO NOT POOP ON YOUR BATMAN CAPE!!!!

This and many other similar or different things come out of my mouth every day ALL day.

What do you do or say that you would never have dreamed of 2, 5 or 10 + years ago?

I have 4 kids...7, 4 1/2, 2 1/2, 13 m. Here are some of mine...

...I drive a minivan...When I smell poop I first put my face directly onto my 2 smallest ones butts, if its not there I check my arms to make sure it didn't end up there during the last change...do NOT punch your brother...we don't drink milk if its solid...Make sure you wash your privates...do NOT hit your sister...how did this shoe end up in the garbage...do NOT hit the baby...how did my camera end up in the garbage...no I am not pooping blood, I just had a baby thats what happens...stop hitting each other...no you cannot eat that shoe...what is that on the bottom of that shoe...thats part of a tampon, no that is not a straw to drink with...no the baby CANNOT ride the 4 wheeler with you...this time lets try to pee IN the potty...you have to aim...no I do not have a pip(aka penis) and no it did not fall off I just wasn't born with one...no you will never have big boobies...yes sissy will...no you may not hit them like punching bags while I try to shave my legs in the shower...every one get OFF the counter...yes I am pooping no you CANNOT watch...

Wow I could go on and on and on and on and on but I think you get the idea...

Replies to this Discussion:

Reply by Meghan
author of The Daily Drama

9/10/2009 11:37 AM

I am laughing so hard that my 3 year old walked over here wanting to see what is so funny!!!

 

Why did you suck on your arms until you got a hickey? Do NOT suck on your arms!

Get your hand out of your pants!

Please go put your pants back on!

No, you can't go to the pool with no shirt on. Your brother is a boy, and the rules are different for boys and girls.

Yes, you will get big boobies when you get older.

Please don't bite your toenails.

Who smeared poo all over the toilet seat?

Who smeared poo all over the wall?

 

I could probably keep going....

 

Reply by Melinda
author of Melinda Arnold

9/10/2009 11:40 AM

 

No I am not going to pull your finger....

followed by...alright but don't ask me again...

followed by....good one honey, maybe you should check your pants.

What's wrong with your penis?  Then stop touching it.

I'm not sure what time puberty starts.

I'm pretty sure you wont touch your brain so get your finger out of your nose.

 

 

Reply by Carissa
author of Lovin' my Life as Mommy and (uh..NOT a) Wife!

9/10/2009 11:53 AM

haha my kids are 9 and 1

*do not stick your finger up your nose and then in your mouth EVER AGAIN! 9-yr old

*we wipe with toilet paper, we dont use our underwear-9r old

*dont eat out of the garbage! 1 yr old

*please dont dip that toilet paper in the toilet and eat it (again!) 1 yr old

*no, no dont touch the poop in the diaper, oh god what is that by your mouth?-1 yr old

*stop grabbing the doggys peepee. he doesnt like that! he will bite you! (to the one yr old) obviously lol

*you cant date until you are 30. your daddy and i are going to keep you girls locked up and you will only wear turtle necks and overalls. understand?

*no! dont rip your diaper off and then pee on the kitchen floor. oh and now youre fingerpainting with it. yay!

=)

 

Reply by Krissy
author of

9/10/2009 11:58 AM

oh man.. these are great! thank you so much, I needed the laugh. I havent had to say any of these... YET. Im sure my day is coming soon (my daughter is 13 mo)

Reply by Bethany
author of Crazy Days...Sleepless Nights

9/10/2009 12:52 PM

Wow! I feel so much better reading these. My most recent...

"Oh, look a cricket just pooped on me."

 

Reply by Melanie
author of It's a Smalling World

9/10/2009 2:24 PM

Yall are cracking me UP...and making me feel somewhat normal! I blogged this recently, too :)

"Please don't put your brother's toes in your mouth."

"Please quit saying the word 'hookers' over and over. It's called a 'hook'."

"No, you cannot throw that wrapper out the window."

"No, the police will not send your brother to jail for littering, but he might get a ticket."

"No, not a ticket to the movies, a ticket that says you have to pay $50 to the police."

"No, you do not get a Nintendo DS from the police when you give them $50. You just give them your money to help you remember not to throw trash out the window again."

"Please don't wipe that on me."

"Yes, that cheese does make you look like you have a mustache."

"Please don't put your feet above your head."

"It's probably just gas."

"Would you like it if someone held *your* nose closed and tried to breathe into *your* mouth?"

"Don't put your hands in the toilet again. Ever."

"Those peppers are very hot. Please do not even touch them."

"I know you *can* eat bugs and not die, but I'm asking you not to anyway."

"Remember 5 minutes ago when I suggested you not eat the peppers? Yep, this is why."

"Because I'm the mama! That's why!!!"

Reply by Andrea
author of

9/10/2009 3:35 PM

Your brother is NOT a tissue...do not wipe that on him

 

Reply by Heidi
author of Work and Play, Day by Day
Homeschooling with Montessori and more!
9/10/2009 4:05 PM

I actually once said...

"Get out of the grapes and go eat your pizza."

Blog pic: (premium)

Reply by Kami
author of My Beautiful Day
We're loving, crazy & chaotic - we're a family!
9/10/2009 4:18 PM

"sweetheart, we don't put our fingers in our butt - that's bad manners."

"No sweetheart, I don't want to smell your finger.  Go wash them now and USE SOAP!"

"No darling, my peepee is not squished, I wasn't born with one like yours.  Girls have different ways they go to the bathroom."

"Take the frog OUT of your mouth right now!"

"When you call someone on the phone you don't just say 'hi' and wait for whomever answers to respond.  You introduce yourself and ask for who you're calling for - in other words, you say 'Hi, this is Claire - is Ella there?"  Immediately followed by "Hi  ...... (long pause)  .... oh, I mean, is Ella there?  I mean, this is Claire."

"Why are their army men and legos frozen in a cup of ice in my freezer?!"

"Sweetie, you don't have to come and find me to tell me that you have to go potty, just go into the bathroom and GO!"

"Why are you touching your peepee?  Does it hurt?"  His response, "no, it just feels good when I touch it."

UGH! :)  Many  many moments of phrases I never imagined myself saying!!

Reply by Joy
author of Joy’s Autism Blog

9/10/2009 4:30 PM

To 5 year old: "who peed in this cup and put it in the freezer??" (imagine this said in a hysterical voice as I spilled pee on myself and my kitchen floor)
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