BlogFrog

Hello!  My name is Michelle and I dont write in blogs because I cant seem to find the time to put together a site but I love to write.  I often find my self making time to write when I am  passionate about an issue or event that has taken place and my emotions are so raw that my true feelings are felt instantly. It is an outlet that I find theraputic. I am very interested in your journeys especially as a special needs family and so I read them in hopes to find that one similiar story that I can associate with.  I just want to give a fast synopsis of my situation to better understand that one question that seems to plaque so many mothers.  Camron was born at 24 weeks gestation, at 1 lb, 6 oz.  He had all the major complications of prematurity including, retina damage (rop, stage 1), heart murmur, grade 3 brain bleed, numerous blood transfusions, and many more issues.  I have been home ever since and taking care of him.  In addition, I have another baby boy, Avery, and he is 3 months. Camron was diagnosed with cerebal palsy and we continue to have alot of therapy in the community.  I am going back to work on March 1, I just found out, and I have started to actually have panic/anxiety over this entire process.  I know this is a natural reaction, but I need some support.  It has become such an overwhelming emotion, I was hoping to form a connection and advice from other wonderful mothers out there who understand this.  There are alot of things going through my mind.  Did I forfill everyday at home with the boys, with all the love, support, discipline, affection, etc to truely feel like I did my job in this hectic time.  Will Camron excell in a new enviroment, and how will I still feel like Im needed (selfish).  How in the world am I going to get Camron to all of his required therapies.  Is the job worth it (no, not really but in this tough time, warrants it, and we need it). I have to find in my heart a way to understand that not only do I need sometime to myself but some things in life we cant control....but then again, is it really possible to control?  I mean, geeze, maybe I could go bankrupt and allow my hubby to make the money while I give the best care to Camron and Avery.  Is that the answer?  The actual job that has been offered is a very good opportunity to be financially stable and to give it up, is giving up on that stability.  Dont get me wrong...my kids are worth that and more, but there is a line to draw.  Does anyone feel like this is crazy?  As you can tell, Im writing as I think.  I want to truely believe that there are ways to make this happen with a happy medium but I just dont know. Thank you for listening, at the very least, I already feel better!

Sincerly

Michelle