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Blame game...shame on me?

Started by Michelle, author of blissful babble

2/9/2010 1:06 AM

My husband places blame when he feels badly about things.  

Decisions, I feel we made together, are my fault when things go wrong.

 

Example: 

 We sold our dog 9 years ago, it was too much dog for us at the time, so WE decided to get him a better home.  

Now still 9 years later. I’m blamed for “getting rid of HIS dog.”

 

He always asks my opinion, but I try not to give it at all anymore… avoid being blamed if it turns out bad. 

 

Am I just being a baby?  Should I give my opinon, when asked?

 

Or Blame me once, shame on you….Blame me twice, shame on me?  

           

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Reply by La Tempête
author of Tempest Ahoy

2/9/2010 2:54 AM

I don't think that's fair :(

If it were my DH, we would be having a serious discussion about how it is inappropriate for him to lash out like he is and how it was impacting on my feelings.

Maybe explain to him that you would rather he shared his sadness or regret over getting rid of the dog than the blaming. "I wish we had kept her".

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Reply by Kristina
author of 3 under 4
Can I Get a Full 24 Months Between Kids, Please?
2/13/2010 8:54 PM

dear faithfulma-
     When reading your post, the biggest thing that occurs to me is that there is a huge opportunity for bitterness to take root in your heart over what is happening with your husband.  
     I think you should have a discussion with him regarding that you feel blamed for decisions you feel you made collectively.  I would approach it in a "I feel _____ when you say _______" format that way he is not feeling attacked.  Hopefully you can have a good conversation and you can heal this part of your marriage.
 
I hope it goes well!  I will be praying for you!

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Reply by Connie
author of Smockity Frocks
Large Family lives & laughs to the glory of God
2/14/2010 4:21 PM

We are coming up on our 25th wedding anniversary in June (the same day our 8th baby is due!). One thing I have learned, mostly the hard way, is to let things go.

You know this is a failing and weakness your husband has, just like you have failings and weaknesses of your own. I'm not saying it is right or good, just that "love covers a multitude of sins". 

Let it go.

You know it was a joint decision to sell the dog and so does he. His saying it was YOUR fault doesn't make it so.

I preach this to my children every day. You don't have to respond when someone is being contrary. You don't have to correct them, set them straight, or teach them a lesson.

Let it go.
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