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Do your children disrespect you? Community Question 2

Started by Kristen, author of We Are THAT Family

1/15/2010 12:14 PM

Do they talk back? Are they occasionally rude? 
 
In the book, Have a New Kid by Friday, the author suggests one thing:
 
Turn around and walk away.
 
That goes against our very nature. We want to correct them, but if you're like me I end up engaging, getting angry and everything just explodes.
 
Turn around, walk away and wait.
 
Wait for them to need something from you-they will-the next time they ask a question- can I have snack? will you take me _____? etc.
 
Say no. They will be dumbfounded.
 
Perfect. There's your teachable moment. 
 
You: No, I'm so sorry, I can't take you there because a few minutes ago, you were very disrespectful and hurt my feelings....
 
There will be a fall out. Stay strong. Stick to it. And you'll slowly, start seeing some major changes.

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Reply by Sharon
author of Unfinished Mom

1/15/2010 4:49 PM

Wow!
It never occurred to me to ignore a comment like that at the time. I think I'm pretty consistent about reprimanding rude comments when they happen. Definitely a technique I'll have to try. I don't deal with a lot of disrespect from my my own children, but I did when I was a teacher. I wonder if/how this technique would work for a teacher.

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Reply by Ali
author of an ordinary mom
Really, I'm just an ordinary mom!
1/16/2010 4:11 PM

Hmm, I can see that working on older kids, though it does go again my nature of wanting to engage and deal with things at that moment.  I don't know if I like the idea for younger children, who I think need immediate action, though it's not usually the younger children who get snooty...

My book is on the way... I'll have to noodle this concept for a while...

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Reply by Bloggy Blog Designz
author of Bloggy Blog Designz | Blogger Templates, Blog Layouts, 3Column Blogger Templates
Schnazz Your Blog! 15% Discount Code: Blog Frog
1/16/2010 5:55 PM

I don't have any kids yet, but If I did, respect would DEFINITELY be a must!

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Reply by Karen
author of Sweet Brown Sugars

1/17/2010 9:15 PM

Wow...definitely worth trying.  Something we do is ask her to say it in a better way.  That helps with dealing with it right away.  I agree that walking away may work better for older kids.  A young child may not remember what they did/said depending on how much time has lapsed. 

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Reply by Kathryn
author of Expectant Hearts

1/17/2010 9:29 PM

this is SO timely as we're dealing with this right now with my 8 year old..  My 3 year old is rarely disrespectful so i"m not too worried about the technique on younger kids..

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Reply by Sharon
author of The Legacy of Home

1/17/2010 9:34 PM

How interesting! I love it.... I have always wanted to read that book. My children are pretty good, but sometimes teenagers get moody and then, you never know!

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Reply by Mandi
author of Tidbits from the Tremayne's

1/17/2010 9:47 PM

OMGsh thanks!  It is sooo against my nature to do this-- but I actually was asking this question last Sunday, and I felt so dumb asking it ("how do I stop the talking back?  Why does my child always have to have the last word?") that I erased it!  Someone has ESPN. ;)

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Reply by Stacy
author of Our Bethel Home

1/17/2010 9:58 PM

We are dealing with this with our almost 5 year old daughter.  I'm wondering if it will work on her.  

My biggest issue with her is tone of voice.   WE say all the time, it's not what you say, it's how you say it.

I can't wait to get this book.

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Reply by Catherine
author of The Shoe Box Daily

1/18/2010 2:27 PM

I think this is a great book and a great idea - the walk-away method, while unnatural is effective in getting their attention.  I have only tried it once but it did work.  I hope to keep trying it and heavens knows there are teachable moments all day long around here (kids 7,5,&2)!

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Reply by I am blessed!
author of Miscellaneous Musings of a 5X Mom- Quiverfull, Homeschooling, Large Family, Bibl
Come laugh and grow with me!
1/18/2010 4:32 PM

I hadn't heard of the book or the method.  Interesting.  I don't know if I like it or not, though.  I've heard of parents ignoring tantrums and such so I suppose it's not a totally new idea.  I prefer rewarding positive behavior and punishing negative behavior.  It seems a little like playing mind games to me.  I don't want to go there.  I also don't want to try to manipulate my kids into "not hurting my feelings".  Since I haven't read the book, though, that's just my initial reaction. 
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