Community Header

I Knew My Family Was Complete When.....

Started by angie , author of 11/3/2011 7:00:10 AM

When I was still in the "having babies" stage of my life, I must have heard a thousand times, "Are you done yet?"  The question was always mildly annoying and seemed a bit presumptuous, but I always replied, "I'm not sure, I've just always thought that when I was done, I'd know".

I never had a set number of how many children I wanted.  I just had a sense that I'd have babies and when I hit my threshold, I'd know.  I'd know that I'd reached that point when I felt that I wouldn't be able to be the kind of mom I wanted and needed to be.

There are so many variables that come into play when deciding how large or small a family should be.  Finances, health, happiness, and logistics are a few, however, the one main variable that was most important to me was whether *I* as a mother could nurture and take care of another child.

When I got pregnant for the 4th time, I was already feeling like I had probably reached what I considered my threshold.  I didn't think that I'd be able to be the kind of mom I'd want to be to more than 4 children, plus, I felt so sick and was so fatigued all the time that I thought it was time to consider having our 4th child and then calling it quits for my baby making days.

When I was about half way through my pregnancy I found out that I wasn't expecting my fourth child.  I was expecting my fourth and fifth child, and not only that, I found out that the pregnancy was considered "extremely" high risk. I was given only a 50% chance that my babies would survive  and so I really battled with the question of whether or not our family would be complete after the pregnancy.  I knew without doubt that if both babies survived I'd be done, but what if they didn't survive?  Would I still feel that way?

Ultimately, I felt strongly that I could never endure another pregnancy without having a mental breakdown (my pregnancy was THAT stressful).  I felt like our family was complete whether we ended up having 3 children or 5 and I felt at peace with the decision call our family "complete".

My husband was not so sure.  I'll always be thankful that my husband listened to how I felt and with me made the decision to be happy, grateful and FULL with a family filled with five children.

And we have been happy, grateful and full.  I've never really doubted our decision to stop with 5, and so for me, that's proof positive that the defining consideration in making this HUGE decision was not whether we could afford more children (although that was something we thought about), or whether I was healthy enough to have more children (I was), but it was how I felt in my heart.

My heart is so FULL now!


I'm curious to know: How and when do you decide your family is complete? Join the conversation and be entered to WIN the designer handbag of your choice (Up to a $500 value) from Essure!

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Essure. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Contest Rules.

Share Conversation

+ Login to choose updates by email


Viewing 11 - 18 of 18

Reply by Corine

11/4/2011 7:20:16 AM
I am still trying to find the answer to this question. I always thought I would "just know" also but I have two now and my feelings about having a third change from day to day. What I really hate though is how people try to put a time limit on when you HAVE TO KNOW. I was actually going to write a post about it.... Now I feel re-inspired to do so.


Reply by Complicated Mama

author of Complicated Mama Blog - Reviews- and Rants 11/4/2011 7:24:18 AM
I am still trying to find the answer to this question. I always thought I would "just know" also but I have two now and my feelings about having a third change from day to day. What I really hate though is how people try to put a time limit on when you HAVE TO KNOW. I was actually going to write a post about it.... Now I feel re-inspired to do so.

I struggled to carry pregnancies to term. So when our second child (pregnancy 7) was born healthy and beautiflul we knew we were done. I am so thankful for the children I have.


Reply by latree

author of Dandelion 11/6/2011 11:50:22 PM
I thought I would stop at three, but why did I keep those baby toys in the basket, while I put or give other toys away? so when I had my third pregnancy, I knew I wanted it. but right then I know I was complete. see now I'm now working. I'm afraid I can't give time and attention as much as they need...

5 days after I turned 22, I gave birth to my 3rd child. I had 2 girls, 1 boy. The relationship I was in, not good. I *thought* I was done. When my baby boy was 6 weeks old, I had tubal ligation. Here I sit, 36 days away from turning 40, happily married. My "babies" are now 21, 19 and soon to be 18. My 19 year old is having a baby in about 4 weeks. What do I want more than anything? Another baby. I was not done having babies, I was done with that chapter. My loving Hubby & I hope to one day {sooner rather than later} adopt or foster to adopt a little one who needs the love we have to give. Maybe after we add one {or two, or three} little ones to our lives, then I will be finished.


Reply by Jeannine

author of Mom with never enough time 11/8/2011 4:24:29 PM
I right after second was born. We discussed it when he was about 1 yr old and decided we would do nothing to prevent pregnancy and do nothing to up the chances. we would give it till our son was three and if I got pregnant in that time then great but it not one of us would get something done to prevent pregnancy. The thinking behind this was I already had a 10 yr old daughter when I got pregnant with our son and didn't want a huge age difference again. About 4 months before the 2 yrs was up I found out I was pregnant. We welcomed our last child a baby girl and felt she completed our family. I went and had the essure procedure done we are now done having children


Reply by Denise

11/8/2011 4:36:59 PM
I dont think our family is complete yet. We have one who is 14 months and we are starting to feel like it might be time to try again. I am more than happy with her, but i just feel like i want her to have a playmate


Reply by Dana

11/8/2011 7:07:41 PM
My experience was very much like yours. I knew we would both know when we were done. I thought maybe we were done after number 4, it was a hard pregnancy, the older three got chicken pox right around my due date (August 5 without AC in Maryland)and I was really sick after but he didn't feel done and 2 years later I was happy to have another and he thought maybe we are done but when I was pregnant less than a year later we were both up for it. Unfortunately Steven was still born. We thought for a while before letting what ever happened happen and it happened and we were glad to have #7 just under a year later but when we held her 17 years ago we knew there would be no more. I've never felt like I wasn't ready for the next stage of childhood or unhappy that we would never again do... It's been a awesome adventure but I won't be sorry when she leaves in September for college, she'll be back.

Reply to Conversation


Join & Reply Switch to the simple version