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I Knew My Family Was Complete When.....

Started by angie , author of sevenclowncircus.com 11/3/2011 7:00:10 AM

When I was still in the "having babies" stage of my life, I must have heard a thousand times, "Are you done yet?"  The question was always mildly annoying and seemed a bit presumptuous, but I always replied, "I'm not sure, I've just always thought that when I was done, I'd know".

I never had a set number of how many children I wanted.  I just had a sense that I'd have babies and when I hit my threshold, I'd know.  I'd know that I'd reached that point when I felt that I wouldn't be able to be the kind of mom I wanted and needed to be.

There are so many variables that come into play when deciding how large or small a family should be.  Finances, health, happiness, and logistics are a few, however, the one main variable that was most important to me was whether *I* as a mother could nurture and take care of another child.

When I got pregnant for the 4th time, I was already feeling like I had probably reached what I considered my threshold.  I didn't think that I'd be able to be the kind of mom I'd want to be to more than 4 children, plus, I felt so sick and was so fatigued all the time that I thought it was time to consider having our 4th child and then calling it quits for my baby making days.

When I was about half way through my pregnancy I found out that I wasn't expecting my fourth child.  I was expecting my fourth and fifth child, and not only that, I found out that the pregnancy was considered "extremely" high risk. I was given only a 50% chance that my babies would survive  and so I really battled with the question of whether or not our family would be complete after the pregnancy.  I knew without doubt that if both babies survived I'd be done, but what if they didn't survive?  Would I still feel that way?

Ultimately, I felt strongly that I could never endure another pregnancy without having a mental breakdown (my pregnancy was THAT stressful).  I felt like our family was complete whether we ended up having 3 children or 5 and I felt at peace with the decision call our family "complete".

My husband was not so sure.  I'll always be thankful that my husband listened to how I felt and with me made the decision to be happy, grateful and FULL with a family filled with five children.

And we have been happy, grateful and full.  I've never really doubted our decision to stop with 5, and so for me, that's proof positive that the defining consideration in making this HUGE decision was not whether we could afford more children (although that was something we thought about), or whether I was healthy enough to have more children (I was), but it was how I felt in my heart.

My heart is so FULL now!

 

I'm curious to know: How and when do you decide your family is complete? Join the conversation and be entered to WIN the designer handbag of your choice (Up to a $500 value) from Essure!

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Essure. The opinions and text are all mine. Official Contest Rules.

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Viewing 1 - 10 of 18
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Reply by Arnebya

author of What Now and Why 11/3/2011 9:55:18 AM
We are still deciding. We started out with a set number but each child made the number decrease. We started at 4 and after the first we said, maybe 3 is good. Now, with 3 we've returned to contemplating 4. I don't feel like our family is complete yet. Within the next year, we'll decide if we'll go for it or not. I do think, though, if we decide not to have another, I will always have that incomplete feeling.

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Reply by angie

author of sevenclowncircus.com 11/3/2011 10:48:58 AM
Hey Angie I was wanting to make a comment on your blog post I Knew My Family Was Complete When…. but at the bottom it states the comment section is closed. Let me know if this opens up. I am in middle of my 2nd pregnancy and don't feel this will be my last. But this has been a more stressful pregnancy than the first so my husband and I both have mixed feelings. And personally I try really hard to react correctly when someone tells me they are pregnant for the 3rd or 4th or even 5th time. I love large families, and think Mother's such as yourself are amazing you can be a mother to many!! GOD bless your family!! Thanks Natalie

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Reply by Alycia

11/3/2011 12:12:45 PM
We only have one child, and decided we were complete right after having him! We decided that with as much as we loved him immediately, we would rather stay with our little family of 3.

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Reply by Randi

11/3/2011 12:36:24 PM
I don't know yet. I go back and forth between wanting another baby and not. With an autistic son, sometimes I think I already give him more attention than my younger son. But then with preschool sometimes I get a ton of time with our younger son. It's just something I'll continue to pray about - we've also considered adoption.

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Reply by Shana

author of Shanamama 11/3/2011 12:55:50 PM
I go back and forth. When my youngest was born I thought the complete feeling would be there but it wasn't. Now that he is older is comes and goes depending on his tantrums LOL I still have that deep down feeling that our family isn't complete quite yet but my hubs got the big V so it's out of my hands. I am happy with my little family of five though, they bring me the most amazing joy

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Reply by Dumb Mom

author of Parenting by Dummies 11/3/2011 1:08:29 PM
I stopped for medical reasons. I would have more if I could. My husband was done after the first one though so I guess this worked out for both of us!

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Reply by Jen

author of Buried With Children 11/3/2011 3:16:04 PM
Well, you are given the new about having triplets, it usually a good stopping point. I had triplets and I was done.

We'll know when God decides. :) We've had difficulties conceiving in the past so when our little C was born a year ago it was such a blessing. So now, we look at as 'If God wants us to have more then he will bless us with more. If not, then we are lucky to be blessed with the three we were blessed with. It's all in his hands.'.

Its all in the hands of Gods.

Some things are beyond our comprehension and later we reflect "Oh why did I take a decision like that"

A lovely picture there.


When we met Jack. Jack, who came out of my belly as a little firecracker. Jack, who said "no" as plain as day before he was one year old. He's like having 2 "regular" kids :)

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