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babies and libido

Started by adriel , author of the mommyhood memos 9/4/2010 8:42:18 AM

Ok, I don't want ANY details here ladies... but how long did it take after having your babies for your libido to return to normal? (Or did it ever?) And did breast feeding seem to effect it? (Uh, I'm asking for a friend of course.) ;) 

Did you see a correlation with this and other aspects of your physical and/or emotional postpartum recovery?

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Reply by Morgan

author of The Little Hen House 9/5/2010 6:14:11 PM

This is such an intense subject. Here is what I think affects libido after childbirth:

1. Breastfeeding- your estrogen levels are very low. It's like your body is in menopause. Even the act of just holding a baby makes your hormones drop. It's their little way of ensuring their survival by making sure that you won't do anything to make a sibling for them any time soon. :) 

2. Lack of sleep. Sleep trumps sex. 

3. Post baby body. Even if you have returned to your pre-baby size, you may feel differently about your body. Especially if you are nursing or had a difficult delivery. 

4. How involved/helpful your partner is. I tell my husband that doing the dishes counts as foreplay. :) Husbands need to step up and act like supportive partners. I've had it with man-children. Mothers don't feel like having sex with a partner who acts like a child. They feel like putting them in the corner for a time out. 

5. Where your baby sleeps. It's hard to have sexy time when you have the baby in the bed. 

6. How consumed you are with motherhood. Take time for yourself. Work on a non-child related hobby. Have a glass of wine with your girlfriends. Re-connect with your pre-mommy self. You were a person before you had children. And that person felt like having sex. Get to know her again. 

7. Date night. I know it's cliche, but it's SO important to get away with your spouse once in a while. Enjoy a great meal, have a glass of wine (or two!). I find that Friday nights are great for us. It allows us to reconnect after a long week and gear up for the weekend. 

8. Baby blues/postpartum depression. Enough said. 

9. Fake it till you make it. Sometimes you just have to make yourself do it. You will be glad afterwards. So will your husband. :) 

10. Finally, you may never feel like jumping your partners bones like you used to. That's ok. Having children changes everything about a relationship. You are both parents now and you need to re-discover each other in a completely new way. It's really, really hard and everyone goes through this struggle. It will take time, but you will get in your groove again. 

What a great discussion starter Adriel! As you can tell, I have a lot to say about it. :) 


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Reply by adriel

author of the mommyhood memos 9/5/2010 7:38:47 PM

Yeah, this are fabulous tips Morgan! You should definitely turn this into a blog post! (Or you could write a guest post for me and I'll put it on mine if you'd like - I would love to feature you.) But yes, these are great tips!

And I really do think this is an important subject for moms, which needs to be addressed carefully but honestly.

I completely agree with each one of them. My hubs is amazingly supportive in every way (for me personally and around the house) and I know for us that makes a huge difference. And date nights, sleep, etc. all so important!

I honestly think the two hardest factors are hormones and nursing. For me, with nursing, I always feel like I'm constantly "sharing" myself... though I imagine non-breast-feeding moms have similar feelings.

I wonder?

I did ask my doctor about it at Levi's 6-month check-up and she said that most women see a direct correlation with the amount of time they breastfeed. I guess there's pros and cons to everything.

I think this is a great subject, especially for new moms!


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Reply by Morgan

author of The Little Hen House 9/6/2010 12:24:49 AM

Hi! I know how you feel about "sharing" yourself. I feel like I'm being touched all day. I just need to have my body to myself sometimes. My husband often asks when my boobs will be his again. Um, were they ever mine? 

I would love to write a guest post for you! I've been thinking about doing one for a while. I enjoy reading guest blogs on other people's pages. I think it would be fun. I'll email you. :) 

I'm glad we have some similar views on this subject. Of all the things I talk about with my girlfriends, this is pretty much never discussed. Mommies need to talk about it more. We are all pretty much in the same boat. :) 


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Reply by adriel

author of the mommyhood memos 9/6/2010 6:41:22 AM

sounds good, we'll email! i won't be able to post it until next month as i'm just kicking off a giant series called moms who work with a lot of guest posters this month... so i don't want to over-do it. i think my readers would enjoy it though - as long as you keep it rated G. ;) ok, let's email....


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Reply by Hannah

author of mommy's firsts 9/6/2010 9:27:22 AM

My boy will be 1 on Saturday. I'm still waiting. (And breastfeeding and not getting much sleep.)

But honestly, it doesn't bother me too much, and I'm lucky to have a husband who doesn't find it too important either.


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Reply by Micheline from Flyrish Foibles

author of Flyrish Foibles and Other Alliterations 9/8/2010 2:06:26 PM

I agree with all of Morgan's tips. Great stuff there!

I'll just say this much for me: 6 months for it to be even comfortable to have sex again. And then as breastfeeding started winding down, it got better. Definitely has so much to do with breastfeeding for me. I weaned Q completely at 17 months and it's improved a great deal since then.


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Reply by mandy

author of a sorta fairytale 9/9/2010 7:42:19 PM

Adriel- I definitely notice a difference. I've had a lot my other Mommy friends tell me that breastfeeding definitely effects libido. And that after baby is weened, you'll see it come back.

My husband is super supportive about everything as well, but sometimes I just feel guilty about my {lack of} libido.

Great tips by Morgan, though!


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Reply by Jhen

author of From Here to Eternity 9/9/2010 11:12:45 PM

Goodness, this has been on my mind lately.  For me, I didn't seem to have the drive before I had baby... after my baby, I have never wanted it more.  Seriously, and it is so weird that it came all of a sudden.  I had to stop breastfeeding and I know when I was breastfeeding I wasn't so "driven", but now, I honestly have the "drive" every day.  I pray it doesn't go away, although I've had some moms says this is a phase, but I love that after nine-months of very few intimate moments or even the just-gonna-have-to-fake-it moments, I can finally be real with the hubsters and actually really enjoy it.  


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Reply by adriel

author of the mommyhood memos 9/11/2010 9:25:57 AM

Jhen, that is awesome!!! Good news... 


Jhen's profile picture
Jhen said ...
Goodness, this has been on my mind lately.  For me, I didn't seem to have the drive before I had baby... after my baby, I have never wanted it more.  Seriously, and it is so weird that it came all of a sudden.  I had to stop breastfeeding and I know when I was breastfeeding I wasn't so "driven", but now, I honestly have the "drive" every day.  I pray it doesn't go away, although I've had some moms says this is a phase, but I love that after nine-months of very few intimate moments or even the just-gonna-have-to-fake-it moments, I can finally be real with the hubsters and actually really enjoy it.  


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Reply by Livy

author of Making Over Mum 9/20/2010 3:50:03 PM

All I have to say is that things are far from normal here 11 months post partum. I am still BF and have heard that this could be why.


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