This is such an intense subject. Here is what I think affects libido after childbirth:
1. Breastfeeding- your estrogen levels are very low. It's like your body is in menopause. Even the act of just holding a baby makes your hormones drop. It's their little way of ensuring their survival by making sure that you won't do anything to make a sibling for them any time soon. :)
2. Lack of sleep. Sleep trumps sex.
3. Post baby body. Even if you have returned to your pre-baby size, you may feel differently about your body. Especially if you are nursing or had a difficult delivery.
4. How involved/helpful your partner is. I tell my husband that doing the dishes counts as foreplay. :) Husbands need to step up and act like supportive partners. I've had it with man-children. Mothers don't feel like having sex with a partner who acts like a child. They feel like putting them in the corner for a time out.
5. Where your baby sleeps. It's hard to have sexy time when you have the baby in the bed.
6. How consumed you are with motherhood. Take time for yourself. Work on a non-child related hobby. Have a glass of wine with your girlfriends. Re-connect with your pre-mommy self. You were a person before you had children. And that person felt like having sex. Get to know her again.
7. Date night. I know it's cliche, but it's SO important to get away with your spouse once in a while. Enjoy a great meal, have a glass of wine (or two!). I find that Friday nights are great for us. It allows us to reconnect after a long week and gear up for the weekend.
8. Baby blues/postpartum depression. Enough said.
9. Fake it till you make it. Sometimes you just have to make yourself do it. You will be glad afterwards. So will your husband. :)
10. Finally, you may never feel like jumping your partners bones like you used to. That's ok. Having children changes everything about a relationship. You are both parents now and you need to re-discover each other in a completely new way. It's really, really hard and everyone goes through this struggle. It will take time, but you will get in your groove again.
What a great discussion starter Adriel! As you can tell, I have a lot to say about it. :)