For me, it's figuring out how to treat my children fairly but differently.  My two girls have their own abilities and responses to situations; one is emotionally sensitive and the other is a physical whirlwind.  I really miss the PEPS group days (parenting groups here in Seattle) when we were all meeting to talk about our common issues.  I don't seem to learn as well from parenting books as from discussion (less time to read perhaps).  Looking forward to hearing what other people rely on.

Thanks for starting the forum, Jen!

Wow Jenny, what a handful. I'll do a little research and see what I can find. I hope someone else might weigh in with some advice from their own experience too. :)

Hi Jenny,

I have a 20 month old and a 12 year old step-daughter so they both are at different stages in their life and need to be treated differently. I don't have much of an answer for you except to just be a nurturing mom. It sounds like you know what each of them need separately. The fact that you even asked this question means you are right on track. I have a feeling you can probably tell when you're favoring one over the other or giving more attention. Just try to be conscious of it and then deal with it as it happens. I'm sure you're doing a fabulous job! Good luck!

Thanks for the advice Jennifer.  You're right, I'm trying to notice when the attention needs balancing; they may need different things but they both look to me for support! 

HI!  I'm so glad to be apart of this community.  I'd like to know if there is a specific way we can talk to our 8 month old that will help condition us for when she's older while staying positive but firm with her now?

Great post Lindsey - I am the new Mom of an 8-month old as well. I find myself saying "no" already and am looking to curb that.

Welcome Kris and Lindsey! That's a great question. In all the stuff I've read about positive discipline, you really can't expect results before the kids are between 2 and 3, but I just started saying things kindly, but firmly from the get go, partly so I could get myself in the habit.

One thing that helped me was keeping things positive. Rather than say "no touching," I'd say "that's for looking" then hand her something she could touch. A lot of it at that age is redirection/distraction - distracting her attention to something else, which is so easy to do at this age.

It really is hard to keep yourself from saying "no." I still fight against that. :)

Lindsey and Kris, at 8 mos. old, the only tactic I used was redirection- redirecting my son's attention to something else. Fortunately, at that age (which I can barely remember) babies' attention spans are quite short. I'm not even sure when it was that my son understood the word no. As Heli mentioned, try to not get in the habit of saying no. It's difficult, but whenever possible I try to say things positively.

OK. I just read Heli's post again, and I've basically just totally reiterated what she said. But that's just what I did.

Oh, I just remembered- when my son was old enough to understand (?2+ ?), if he was doing something that could hurt him, I'd tell him, "That's not safe. You could get hurt." He understood that.

To Jenny (re: treating your girls fairly but differently), I agree that by even asking the question, you are clearly on the right track!

A book that I've found very helpful is "Siblings without Rivalry" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.  It's helped me to focus on nurturing my children's individuality and be careful not to pigeonhole them ("the smart one", "the athletic one",  "the artistic one") or to compare them.  It's made me aware of how often siblings are pitted against one another (intentionally or not) and how to avoid that as much as possible.  It also talks about how life often ISN'T fair and one child will be favored over another in various situations -- and how to handle that and help my children handle it.  That's actually an extremely valuable skill for our children to learn, so it's great if we are able to teach it to them!

Wenmei, I just got that book and am starting to read it. Great recommendation. Thanks so much.