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My Truthful Tuesday

Started by Megan , author of 12/8/2009 4:45:52 PM
I'm really having a tough time with my son! He's such a bright, capable child, and when he's in the mood to be cooperative, it's great. But when he's up for a fight, watch out! 
I'm challenged by this because, well, he's a lot like me. So when he is ready to fight, I don't usually do a great job diffusing the situation. I tend to fight back. The tension here is killing me, and I'm falling apart.
How do you grit your teeth and lead? I want to walk with my kids, not drag them kicking and screaming! Today, we literally had total meltdown stemming from finding a long sleeved shirt. 

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Reply by Brianne

author of Mommys Time 12/8/2009 7:25:02 PM
I wish I had advice for you! What have your tried so far? I read somewhere about giving them choices and letting them deal with the consequences. Like if he doesn't want to go to bed say that is fine and but find something else for him to do, umm like clean the bathroom!

I don't know how it went down with the shirt but does he do his own laundry? Because I am sure he can start!

I don't I am reaching, I am still dealing with 5 and under issues but I am interested to see how this all plays out for you! My daughter is already showing her stubborn side but she is still scared of my threats!!

Good luck and hugs!!


Reply by RaD

author of Dare to be... 12/8/2009 11:09:18 PM

Hmmm... My seven and half year old is starting to mouth off a lot. He is very much like me and I don't really like seeing myself much. Ugh! Why do they do that?!

Anyway, my friend Jackie and her twin sister just started something for their kids that is working in their families and cutting down on the discipline and fighting. Both of them homeschool and one of them has 6 kids! It's working in both homes. I'm thinking about trying it at home, it might not hurt! Check it out Jackie's here and here, and Stacy's here and here.

I'm seriously thinking about doing this after the holidays are over. It's just too chaotic now. If you tried it you would need to think about which consequences would fit your family, knowing that all children in the household would follow the same consequences and that you are very clear on what thinks will move them up on the consequence chart.

Hope this helps!


Reply by Megan

author of 12/9/2009 7:57:02 PM
Brianne: I take care of washing, but the kids all put away their own laundry. That way, I know what should be clean, and they know where they should be able to find it! 
RaD: I like the consequence chart! I'm a little concerned for me about implementation (like you said- the holidays are chaos, and for me, that's immediately followed by tax season, which is beyond chaos!), but I'm going to chew on that for a while. I'm sure there's a way to make it work, and if there is, it'll come to me!
It's not always a popular choice, but I'm not adverse to a spanking, and that was more or less how we started the day Tuesday. It never fails to amaze me that 3 children, brought up in the same home, by the same parents, can display such drastically different behaviors. 
I keep telling myself that it's just J testing the limits, but at the same time, he chooses the ones that he knows (or should know) are not going to move. I keep trying to explain what all happened yesterday, and I can't even verbalize it!  I was literally pushed into "a blind rage" and I worry that he was essentially at that level too. This isn't our first time being at this point, either. When we are calmer, we can have rational conversations, and we've talked about trying to find ways to walk away before we get to that point, but there are also times when he simply must learn and understand : You MUST do this, and you must do it now. There is no time for explanations, you must simply recognize that I am the parent, and at this point, I'm playing the mom card! (Like, when we have to be at the bus stop for school by 8:25, and it's 8:15 and you have no clothes on!)
We'll get there. I have faith. We'll get there.
Thanks for letting me vent!!!

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