BlogFrog

I can relate to how you are feeling.  I recently found flylady.net and it has been an amazing way to "upkeep" the house and bless our family as well.

I have always stayed home with our kids (10, 7 and 1) and my husband helps with some of the housework.  He would rather I do it all, but it doesn't happen unfortunately.  I do most of it...I guess if I wasn't on the computer right now I could be doing all of it...LOL!

I am a SAHM with 2 kiddos as well 1 and 2 years old.  My husband is military and is deployed a lot so I take on most of the house work by myself. With that being said though, when my husband is home he will do everything without me asking him. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, all kid related things as well such as baths, diaper changes, etc.  I completely understand how you feel about feeling quilty when he helps and like you aren't being sufficient at your job.  His take is that we are a family and everyone contributes to the messes  made so we all should contribute to the cleaning.  He tells me that my job is to ensure that our children are taken care of and happy and safe.  Anything else that happens to get done in the process is gravy!  I am very fortunate that he does help with the house work bc I know too many woman whose husbands do nothing of the sort!  It takes everyone involved to keep a household functioning.  I don't think you are being unrealistic at all.  If the roles were reversed he would absolutely understand the need for help.

I am a stay at home mum (4 and 1yr old).....I am very blessed with my husband he is fab at helping out with the housework.
I guess it's because he see's my job as 'raising our children' not being a housekeeper. Raising children is the most challenging and rewarding job i have ever done and although i sometimes spend a little more time than i should on the computer whilst my babe sleeps he also gets a lunch break to read his paper etc. I try to keep up with all the washing/ironing/cleaning but some weeks are better than others.....some weeks i feel like a superwife and mother and achieve a vast amount and others i achieve little and feel useless.
I guess what i'm trying to say is give yourself a break, having a small baby means you won't have a handle on things all the time...when you can do, do but if you can't allow yourself to ask for help...remember marriage is a partnership in raising children and keeping house not a one woman show. Remember your precious babes will be grown up so soon cherish your time with them now as you'll never look back and say 'I wish i'd spent more time doing housework'
Huge hugs.

I stay home with my three boys, but I also keep a few kids on top of that. My husband works out of town during the week, so I do all the work myself. I wouldn't be opposed to him helping out, and he used to a little when he worked in town, but now that he's gone four days a week working 12-15 hour days, I don't ask for his help.

Now, when he's home, he just wants to play with the kids and take them places, so that helps me get all my chores done. For me, I prefer to clean a little all day long, as opposed to clean a lot once or twice a week. Since I keep kids, my routine is a little different. I have to sweep, mop, and vacuum every single evening. I find it really helps to clean up or put things away as soon as we're done instead of leaving it for later.

I do remember when I first started staying home with my first son, and I thought "How will I ever get everything done?!" I admit, it took some gettting used to, but I'm sure you'll soon find what works for you. Hang in there!

Oh Melissa, I TOTALLY understand!  I was just sitting here looking at my "shortcomings" myself.  It is so much easier to reassure someone else than to listen to your own advice, so here goes:

I felt like you did back when you were working and offering up doing all the chores, childcare, etc.  I felt my staying home was going to cost us my salary, so I had to make up for it with listing all the other things I would be bringing to the table to replace that salary.  (My "worth" staying home vs working I guess?? That sounds silly but I felt that I needed to show that I'd be doing something beneficial instead of adding to the family income...sheesh...that is so hard to explain, I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.)  Basically though, I got into it and I found it to be a lot more than I thought it was gonna be saying I'd handle it all.  I have 4 kids: an almost 8yr old in 2nd grade, a newly turned 5 yr old who goes to preschool 9-1, M-Th, a newly turned 3 yr old and an almost 9 month old.  Just packing lunches, getting everyone ready/packed, dropping off/picking up for 2 different schools and keeping up with homework, etc as well as playdates and special events for the oldest 2 (while dragging the younger ones along) is sometimes difficult without ANY other things in my day!  Add in cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, planning/preparing dinner, PLUS the enormous amount of time diapering/feeding/nurturing the children non-stop in between, it is crazy some days.  At work I got small breaks through the day, even a whole half hour to myself for lunch to go/do anything...not anymore!

You are certainly not alone.  Planning my days is a problem for me too since I was used to working before being home.  I had a pre-planned schedule made for me, suppport staff to help do it etc.  Now I have to decide when/what to do and work around obstacles like sick kids, naps that are off schedule or crabby moods all by myself.  I feel like even though I have been a mommy for 8 yrs, I'm kinda like a "first time mama" b/c I have only been a SAH mama for about 5 months.  It's a total career change but I'm way behind those moms who have the hang of it and started from the beginning...like any new job I guess!

This got long, i'm sorry if I'm rambling but I have to go before even proof-reading b/c the place is falling apart as I'm typing...whew!

Good luck getting your SAHM groove going...I'm still working on mine and if you find a way to convince your hubby that his help is just as required as when you worked outside the home, let me know how!! :-)

Oh - I remember saying just this thing.  I told my husband that I would even iron all his shirts for him before he went to work.  Ok. that didn't happen hardly ever even when we just had two kids - and now we have 4.  And to be honest, I slept in today while he got our oldest off to school and got himself ready for work.  He is ok with this as I am the one who almost always gets up with kids in the night, and always the toddler as he only wants mama at night.  The toddler didn't sleep through the night until 12 months so I was shorted a lot of sleep.  Plus, I sometimes stay up later than him too getting stuff done around the house.  It works for us.  Plus he has stayed home with the kids alone enough to know that it is a job in and of itself. 

Well, when you are home with your kids, more housework is generally created.  You are preparing a lot more meals at home, all of your toys are being brought out and scattered about your house (not the sitter's).  Stuff is getting spilled on your floor more often and dirt is being drug in more often just because you are there more.  You didn't quit your job to become a housekeeper/child care giver.  You're primary job is to raise your children.  The fleixibility of being home allows you to sneak in that extra load of laundry or run a swiffer across the floor during nap time, (tasks that normally had to wait until evening when your were both working full time).  However, think about it as not having quit your job but having changed to a new full-time position.  Maybe you and your husband could sit down and re-work what your new job responsibilities are, remembering above all - flexibility.

I am not married or a mom and therefore quite obviously not a SAHM (though that is my biggest dream). But, as a babysitter and I nanny I have observed many different types of households over the years. Honestly, those families where the husband and wife shared the "homemaking" duties have been the strongest.

I have watched families with as few as two and as many as 10 children. As much as we women like to be independent and do everything by ourselves, I've come to the conclusion that "homemaking" isn't and was never supposed to be a one-woman show. Everyone needs some help along the way and no one should ever be ashamed to admit that fact.

Don't feel disappointed with yourself. Remember that God gave you your husband (who obviously really doesn't have a problem helping around the house) to complete you. Not to be told to sit by and twiddle his thumbs while you work yourself into the ground. I'm betting that if you ask him if he'd like to return to helping you, he'll be happy to pick up a few chores.

I'm a SAHM of a 2yr old and 4 mo old and there are never enough hours in the day to do everything, unless I want to be moving NONSTOP all day.  My husband helps.  He says that he gets break times at work and I need breaks too :)  Weekends are a great time to catch up - Daddy is home and playing with the kids and it frees me up to really get to things.

I am a SAHM with three kids, ages 5, 3, and 1.  During the week, I try to do most everything, but when my husband comes home (around 3:30...he's a teacher) he always tells me that he will cook dinner.  He also helps me on the weekends with vacuuming or laundry.

But...like I said...during the week I do try to keep up.  It's hard, and if the house doesn't look perfect, it's ok!  I'm not just a housekeeper!  I'm a mom, too!  And if that means reading books or playing games...instead of doing dishes...then that's what I do! :o)