Question for stay at home moms

I stay home with my three boys, but I also keep a few kids on top of that. My husband works out of town during the week, so I do all the work myself. I wouldn't be opposed to him helping out, and he used to a little when he worked in town, but now that he's gone four days a week working 12-15 hour days, I don't ask for his help.

Now, when he's home, he just wants to play with the kids and take them places, so that helps me get all my chores done. For me, I prefer to clean a little all day long, as opposed to clean a lot once or twice a week. Since I keep kids, my routine is a little different. I have to sweep, mop, and vacuum every single evening. I find it really helps to clean up or put things away as soon as we're done instead of leaving it for later.

I do remember when I first started staying home with my first son, and I thought "How will I ever get everything done?!" I admit, it took some gettting used to, but I'm sure you'll soon find what works for you. Hang in there!

Oh Melissa, I TOTALLY understand!  I was just sitting here looking at my "shortcomings" myself.  It is so much easier to reassure someone else than to listen to your own advice, so here goes:

I felt like you did back when you were working and offering up doing all the chores, childcare, etc.  I felt my staying home was going to cost us my salary, so I had to make up for it with listing all the other things I would be bringing to the table to replace that salary.  (My "worth" staying home vs working I guess?? That sounds silly but I felt that I needed to show that I'd be doing something beneficial instead of adding to the family income...sheesh...that is so hard to explain, I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.)  Basically though, I got into it and I found it to be a lot more than I thought it was gonna be saying I'd handle it all.  I have 4 kids: an almost 8yr old in 2nd grade, a newly turned 5 yr old who goes to preschool 9-1, M-Th, a newly turned 3 yr old and an almost 9 month old.  Just packing lunches, getting everyone ready/packed, dropping off/picking up for 2 different schools and keeping up with homework, etc as well as playdates and special events for the oldest 2 (while dragging the younger ones along) is sometimes difficult without ANY other things in my day!  Add in cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, planning/preparing dinner, PLUS the enormous amount of time diapering/feeding/nurturing the children non-stop in between, it is crazy some days.  At work I got small breaks through the day, even a whole half hour to myself for lunch to go/do anything...not anymore!

You are certainly not alone.  Planning my days is a problem for me too since I was used to working before being home.  I had a pre-planned schedule made for me, suppport staff to help do it etc.  Now I have to decide when/what to do and work around obstacles like sick kids, naps that are off schedule or crabby moods all by myself.  I feel like even though I have been a mommy for 8 yrs, I'm kinda like a "first time mama" b/c I have only been a SAH mama for about 5 months.  It's a total career change but I'm way behind those moms who have the hang of it and started from the beginning...like any new job I guess!

This got long, i'm sorry if I'm rambling but I have to go before even proof-reading b/c the place is falling apart as I'm typing...whew!

Good luck getting your SAHM groove going...I'm still working on mine and if you find a way to convince your hubby that his help is just as required as when you worked outside the home, let me know how!! :-)

Oh - I remember saying just this thing.  I told my husband that I would even iron all his shirts for him before he went to work.  Ok. that didn't happen hardly ever even when we just had two kids - and now we have 4.  And to be honest, I slept in today while he got our oldest off to school and got himself ready for work.  He is ok with this as I am the one who almost always gets up with kids in the night, and always the toddler as he only wants mama at night.  The toddler didn't sleep through the night until 12 months so I was shorted a lot of sleep.  Plus, I sometimes stay up later than him too getting stuff done around the house.  It works for us.  Plus he has stayed home with the kids alone enough to know that it is a job in and of itself. 

Well, when you are home with your kids, more housework is generally created.  You are preparing a lot more meals at home, all of your toys are being brought out and scattered about your house (not the sitter's).  Stuff is getting spilled on your floor more often and dirt is being drug in more often just because you are there more.  You didn't quit your job to become a housekeeper/child care giver.  You're primary job is to raise your children.  The fleixibility of being home allows you to sneak in that extra load of laundry or run a swiffer across the floor during nap time, (tasks that normally had to wait until evening when your were both working full time).  However, think about it as not having quit your job but having changed to a new full-time position.  Maybe you and your husband could sit down and re-work what your new job responsibilities are, remembering above all - flexibility.