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Go Between Friend

Started by Wom , author of The Womanhood Cause 10/20/2011 1:14:15 PM

I need some help.

I have 2 really good friends, who no longer like each other.  This is normal for women, but this is not a good thing right now.  Our husbands are working together to start their own business.  I know the wives don't need to be super close friends, but it would help right?

Okay so here's what happened: at book club my A friend let my B friend know that she's ugly because she curses, watches R rated movies, and just isn't a very good Christian woman.  My B friend was really hurt and said that we're all adults at the book club and that a little cursing doesn't hurt anyone.  So now my B friend wants nothing to do with my A friend, and so its really awkward for me and my husband when we want to hang out with our B friends and our A friends.

Not to mention we're moving into the tiny basement of our A friends to help them out financially.  I was friends with my B friend first, but my A friend's children love playing with my children.

I'm not really sure what to do, how to not lie too much as I'd rather tell the truth, and how to keep from back biting both my friends behind their backs...

Advice?

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Reply by Lorene

11/20/2011 9:25:26 AM

There is nothing for you to do.  You cant make them like each other.  Be nice to both of them and stay out of the middle. 


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Reply by Jenny

author of Hear A Whisper 11/20/2011 12:04:22 PM

Lorene hit the nail on the head....this is their responsibility and their choices...and it would be wrong for them to expect you to put yourself in the middle.

 

If it gets too bad (or before it does:) I would encourage you to consider getting the book by the Christian author Henry Cloud that is about this very thing."Changes That Heal"....it is awsome...and has a very very good section on how to set boundaries with others so we don't feel so bad about it...cause I know I have..urgh!....

Blessings!

Jenny

 

 
Oh, I better go do laundry....


Jenny, what a fabulous artist you are!  I love heart this painting too! smiley

Jenny's profile picture
Jenny said ...
 
Oh, I better go do laundry....

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Reply by Jenny

author of Hear A Whisper 11/20/2011 1:21:13 PM

Joan, Thank you so much for the compliment....that is actually my biggest seller....if you would like a print I would feel blessed to email you the attachment and you can just have it color printed. I go to where I feel does a good job or (Staples or Office Depot) and get high resolution prints there...I just ask them to be careful to match the color to the attachment image.

Unfortunately the original of this watercolor painting was distroyed in a flood...so I am protective of the image I have left on my 'puter. Please visit my website to see my otherns'..

Blessings....

Jenny 


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Reply by Jenny

author of Hear A Whisper 11/20/2011 1:21:14 PM

Joan, Thank you so much for the compliment....that is actually my biggest seller....if you would like a print I would feel blessed to email you the attachment and you can just have it color printed. I go to where I feel does a good job or (Staples or Office Depot) and get high resolution prints there...I just ask them to be careful to match the color to the attachment image.

Unfortunately the original of this watercolor painting was distroyed in a flood...so I am protective of the image I have left on my 'puter. Please visit my website to see my otherns'..

Blessings....

Jenny 


Okay, I do not normally give advice, because I find that people do not really listen to advice.  They say they want advice, but then they end up doing whatever it is that they want to do.  But since you asked for advice, I will give you my advice:

1.  This situation is a mess!  A total mess!  And if you move in with friend A it will become a bigger mess!

2.  Do not move into friend A's tiny basement, even though your intentions are good and you want to help them out financially.  It will backfire in your face!  Maintain your own independence.  If you move into friend A's tiny basement it is still THEIR HOUSE!  There is a saying that you never really know someone until you live with them.  If you want to maintain your friendship with friend A do not move into their tiny basement with your husband and children.

3.  Friend A was totally undiplomatic to tell friend B "that she's ugly because she curses, watches R rated movies, and just isn't a very good Christian woman."  Of course friend B was hurt.  Who wouldn't be hurt if someone said that to them?  Remember, if friend A could be that undiplomatic with friend B, she can be equally undiplomatic with you too when you or your family do or say something that she does not agree with.  There had to be a more diplomatic way for friend A to deal with friend B's cursing and watching R rated movies without totally alienating her.  All I'm saying is that friend A sounds like she is a very judgmental woman and in time you might unwittingly do or say something that will annoy her and she will fall out of favor with you too!

So, I guess you're still intent on moving in with friend A to help them out financially.  That's okay!  Move in with friend A and you will learn in time that it was a recipe for disaster.  Don't say that I did not warn you when it happens, but this is exactly why I do not like giving advice.  In the end people do whatever they want to do!   


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Reply by Marlene

author of Marlene's Many Hats 11/20/2011 2:29:51 PM

 I totally agree with Joan on this one.  However, because it was posted over a month ago I am assuming that you have already moved in with your friends?  Wondering how it is going.  I can't think of any families I know that have moved in together and had it work out. I think we all just need our own space. 

Joan's profile picture
Joan said ...
Okay, I do not normally give advice, because I find that people do not really listen to advice.  They say they want advice, but then they end up doing whatever it is that they want to do.  But since you asked for advice, I will give you my advice:


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Reply by katlupe

author of Homesteading On The Internet 11/20/2011 2:37:32 PM

It is hard enough living your family. Let alone friends.

Marlene's profile picture
Marlene said ...
 I totally agree with Joan on this one.  However, because it was posted over a month ago I am assuming that you have already moved in with your friends?  Wondering how it is going.  I can't think of any families I know that have moved in together and had it work out. I think we all just need our own space. 


Sooo true!  Remember the saying, "Familiarity breeds contempt!"  Although, I do get along with my family and could live with them if I had to -- I do prefer my independence and living in my own place! smiley

katlupe's profile picture
katlupe said ...
It is hard enough living your family. Let alone friends.

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Reply by katlupe

author of Homesteading On The Internet 11/20/2011 3:17:12 PM

Yeah, there are days I think about you with all that independence.........with jealousy!

Joan's profile picture
Joan said ...
Sooo true!  Remember the saying, "Familiarity breeds contempt!"  Although, I do get along with my family and could live with them if I had to -- I do prefer my independence and living in my own place! smiley


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